- ANYONE OUT THERE LOOKING TO KILL A HALF AN HOUR,
FOLLOW ME.
WE GOT A PHONY CRIPPLE WHO GETS THE SHAFT...
- OPEN THAT DOOR!
- A FEMALE WRESTLER WHO GETS HER BELL RUNG...
[bell dings]
THIS GUY TEACHES A CLASS CALLED DRIVER'S DEAD.
AND WHAT ABOUT THE BAKER WHO GETS PASTRIED...
- AAH! - THE MINER WHO BLOWS HIS TOP...
AND AN ECO-UNFRIENDLY CHICK
WHO SWALLOWS A BELLY FULL OF BIOHAZARD.
IS THIS A WASTE OF TIME?
- WHAT DO I PAY YOU GUYS FOR?
- HELL NO. - AAH!
- IT'S THE NEXT EPISODE OF 1000 WAYS TO DIE.
DEATH IS EVERYWHERE.
MOST OF US TRY TO AVOID IT.
OTHERS CAN'T GET OUT OF ITS WAY.
EVERY DAY, WE FIGHT A NEW WAR
AGAINST GERMS, TOXINS,
INJURY, ILLNESS,
AND CATASTROPHE.
THERE'S A LOT OF WAYS TO WIND UP DEAD.
THE FACT THAT WE SURVIVE AT ALL IS A MIRACLE.
BECAUSE EVERY DAY WE LIVE, WE FACE...
WHAT DO WE HAVE HERE?
A COUPLE OF GUYS TRYING NOT TO NOTICE THE DWARF?
NO. THIS IS TREVOR,
THE MOST HATED SUPERVISING ACCOUNTANT
TO RIDE IN A WHEELCHAIR.
- HEY, TREVOR.
- SARAH, THE ANDERSON REPORT
THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE ON MY DESK LAST NIGHT,
WHERE IS IT?
DID YOU NOT DO IT BEFORE YOU WENT TO YOUR LITTLE PARTY?
- NO, YOU SAID IT WAS DUE ON FRIDAY.
- UH, NO, IT WAS DUE ON MY DESK LAST NIGHT BEFORE YOU LEFT.
ON MY DESK IN FIVE MINUTES, OR YOU'RE GONE.
HEAR THAT?
BUT THE WORST THING ABOUT TREVOR,
HE WAS A COMPLETE FRAUD.
HE HAD FAKED AN ON-THE-JOB INJURY,
AND WAS SUING HIS COMPANY FOR MILLIONS.
- WORKER'S COMPENSATION FRAUD
COSTS BUSINESS APPROXIMATELY
$6 BILLION PER YEAR IN PREMIUMS.
YOU'LL HAVE EMPLOYEES THAT WILL STATE
THAT THEY HAD AN INJURY ON THE JOB
WHEN IT OCCURRED ACTUALLY ON THE BASEBALL FIELD,
OR THEY'RE EXAGGERATING THE INJURY.
- TREVOR WAS CAREFUL ABOUT KEEPING UP APPEARANCES,
BUT TODAY, IN HIS HASTE,
HE FAILED TO LOCK THE DOOR COMPLETELY.
- GREAT.
- OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE A FRAUD.
YOU FAKING BASTARD.
HARVEY'S GONNA HEAR ABOUT THIS.
- I'LL CALL YOU BACK. NO--DON'T--
SARAH, DO NOT TALK TO HARVEY.
I CAN EXPLAIN THIS. COME BACK HERE.
DON'T GO UP THERE AND TALK TO HIM.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON HERE, ALL RIGHT?
- TREVOR SAW HIS PAYDAY SLIPPING AWAY.
- YOU BITCH! GET BACK HERE!
DON'T CLOSE THOSE DOORS! BITCH, GET BACK HERE!
- HE RED-LINED HIS WHEELCHAIR, AND...
- OPEN THAT DOOR!
[screams]
- ...GOT SHAFTED.
- ELEVATORS ARE NOT DESIGNED TO STAY SHUT
WHEN THE ELEVATOR'S NOT THERE.
THERE'S A GIVE BLOCK BEHIND A TROUGH
THAT HOLDS THE DOORS IN PLACE,
AND FOR MAINTENANCE SAKE, YOU'D REMOVE THOSE,
PUSH THE DOORS OUT IF THEY NEED TO.
THE GUY AND THE WHEELCHAIR
PROBABLY COMBINED WEIGHED 500 POUNDS.
HE WAS GOING ABOUT 11.7 MILES AN HOUR
WHEN HE HIT THE DOORS.
THE GIVE BLOCKS GAVE WAY,
HE WENT DOWN THE SHAFT.
HITTING AT LEAST 45 MILES AN HOUR.
COULD HAVE BEEN AS HIGH AS 60, 70.
HE SPLATTERED.
- THE FIVE-STORY FALL BROKE HIS NECK, BACK,
LEGS, AND ARMS, AND SHATTERED HIS SKULL.
DEATH BY MASSIVE TRAUMA.
TREVOR THOUGHT HE'D GET A BIG PAYDAY
BY FAKING AN INJURY.
- $3 MILLION? I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. THIS IS GREAT NEWS.
- BUT THEN HE GOT EXPOSED...
- YOU'RE A FRAUD.
- GET BACK HERE!
- AND TOOK THE EXPRESS CAR...
TO HELL.
GOING DOWN?
- SO WHO'S THIS GUY?
- WHO IS THIS GUY? WHO CARES.
- THIS GUY IS WARREN. AND HE'S DEAD.
BEFORE HE DIED,
WARREN SIGNED A VERY EXPENSIVE CONTRACT
WITH JOHN TO KEEP HIS CORPSE FROZEN
IN A PROCEDURE CALLED CRYOGENICS.
- IT'S 25 UP FRONT,
AND THEN TEN GRAND EVERY YEAR HE'S WITH US.
- CRYOGENICS IS THE SCIENCE THAT ADDRESSES
THE PRODUCTION AND EFFECTS OF INCREDIBLY COLD TEMPERATURES.
MANY HUMAN CELLS AND TISSUES ARE CRYOGENICALLY STORED,
LIKE EMBRYOS AND SPERM.
ALTHOUGH THESE TISSUES AND CELLS ARE VIABLE WHEN THAWED,
THE SCIENCE TO THAW AND REVITALIZE AN ENTIRE HUMAN
IS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING DISCOVERED.
- THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO GUARANTEE
THAT A CORPSE CAN BE THAWED OUT.
AT A FUTURE TIME, WHEN MEDICINE HAS ADVANCED ENOUGH
TO CURE WHATEVER KILLED YOU,
AND THAT'S AT A LEGITIMATE CRYO-CLINIC.
- ALL RIGHT, LET'S DRAIN THIS SUCKER.
- JOHN'S OPERATION IS A TOTAL SCAM.
NORMALLY, AN EXPENSIVE CRYO-PROTECTORANT
IS INJECTED INTO A CORPSE
TO PREVENT FREEZING DAMAGE TO BODY TISSUE.
JOHN JUST USED COMMON ANTI-FREEZE.
- LET'S TAP THIS SUCKER OFF.
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GET THIS STIFF IN THE ICEBOX.
- IT'D BE A COLD DAY IN HELL BEFORE ANYONE COULD WAKE UP
AND SURVIVE THAT PROCEDURE.
- MAN, I AM STARVING.
WHY DON'T YOU GO GET US SOME TACOS?
- ALL RIGHT.
- IN CASE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS CAME BY TO CHECK,
JOHN DID ONE THING BY THE CRYOGENIC BOOK.
HE USED LIQUID NITROGEN TO KEEP THE BODIES FROZEN,
BUT JOHN WAS A BUMBLING FOOL.
BREATHING IN PURE NITROGEN GAS WAS A GOOD WAY
TO BECOME ONE OF HIS OWN CLIENTS.
- IF WE WERE TO BREATHE 100% NITROGEN,
MOST OF THE TIME, THE BODY WOULDN'T NOTICE ANY DIFFERENCE.
HYPOXIA WOULD RESULT.
HYPOXIA IS A LACK OF OXYGEN TO THE VITAL ORGANS.
DEATH WILL ENSUE WITHIN THREE TO FIVE MINUTES.
- IF ANYONE DESERVED TO DIE, IT WAS JOHN.
HE PROMISED IMMORTALITY, BUT MADE SURE HIS CLIENTS
WOULD WAKE UP DEAD.
THAT'S PRETTY DAMN COLD.
DON'T YOU THINK?
COMING UP...
ANYONE UP FOR SOME HOT OIL WRESTLING?
AND BEING A DRIVER'S ED TEACHER CAN DRIVE YOU MAD.
- STOP! STOP IT, FOR GOODNESS-- - [unintelligible yelling]
- LET'S WRESTLE!
- WELCOME TO BASE MENTAL,
A LOW-RENT WRESTLING EVENT THAT FEATURES
OILED-DOWN BABES GOING AT IT LIKE RABID MINX.
THE PURSES WERE SMALL.
- $500 PRIZE!
- BUT IT WAS A WAY TO BREAK INTO
THE MORE LUCRATIVE WORLD OF PRO WRESTLING FOR WOMEN.
- THERE'S THIS WHOLE UNSAFE ENVIRONMENT.
YOU'RE TRUSTING SOMEBODY WITH YOUR LIFE, AND VICE-VERSA,
BUT ONCE YOU'RE IN IT, IT'S REALLY INTERESTING,
IT'S ALMOST LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT,
I COULD KILL SOMEONE, OR SOMEONE COULD KILL ME.
THE MOST FEARED WRESTLER ON THE CIRCUIT WAS MARIAH.
SHE HAD A WELL-DESERVED REPUTATION
FOR PLAYING DIRTY.
AND THE BASEMENT CROWDS LOVED IT.
[heavy metal music]
¶ ¶
MARIAH DISPATCHED HER FIRST OPPONENT
WITH AN IMPRESSIVE DISPLAY OF RULE-BREAKING.
NO BITING... [bell ring]
NO EYE GOUGING... [bell ring]
AND NO HAIR-PULLING. [triple bell ring]
NEXT UP, SAMANTHA.
- WHOO!
- SHE'S A BIG-BONED BAD-ASS, LOOKING FOR REVENGE.
SHE CAME CLOSE TO BEATING MARIAH IN THEIR LAST MATCH.
MARIAH LEAVES NOTHING TO CHANCE.
AND STARTS OFF WITH AN ILLEGAL PUNCH BELOW THE BELT.
- [screams]
- AFTER A TEXTBOOK DISPLAY OF CHEATING,
MARIAH IS READY TO PUT SAMANTHA AWAY...
BUT LOSES HER FOOTING
AND THEN GETS HER BELL RUNG.
- WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO PUT A SPIKE ON THIS BELL?
- THE SHARP SPIKE ON THE ANTIQUE BELL
DROVE DIRECTLY THROUGH HER TEMPORAL BONE,
DAMAGING THE BLOOD VESSELS AND BURROWING INTO HER BRAIN.
AN OBJECT PENETRATING EVEN ONE TO TWO INCHES INTO THE BRAIN
COULD LEAD TO INSTANTANEOUS DEATH.
- NOBODY LIKES A CHEATER,
EXCEPT IN THIS SLIPPERY WORLD OF OIL-WRESTLING CHICKS.
- OH!
- MARIAH WAS READY TO BASTE HER LATEST CHALLENGER,
BUT THEN SHE GOT...
GREASED.
YOU WANT TO SEE WHAT 30 YEARS OF TEACHING DRIVER'S ED
DOES TO A PERSON?
- NO, NOT THAT WAY! STOP!
- MEET WALLACE. - WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- EVERY DAY WAS THE SAME.
HE'D START OUT TRYING TO CONTAIN HIMSELF...
- TEN O'CLOCK AND TWO O'CLOCK ON THE STEERING WHEEL.
- I'M NOT COMFORTABLE DOING THAT.
- THIS GIVES YOU THE BETTER CONTROL OF THE CAR.
- I--I FEEL--I DON'T FEEL--
- EASY! EASY!
- AND END UP GOING OFF THE RAILS.
- ALL RIGHT, STOP. STOP! STOP!
- HE STARTED THIS MORNING OFF WITH ELSA.
- JUST BACK UP! BACK UP.
- AN 80-SOMETHING WIDOW,
WHOSE DEAD HUSBAND HAD ALWAYS DONE THE DRIVING.
- ALL RIGHT, HERE WE GO.
- HIS NOON APPOINTMENT WAS FRANKLIN.
- WAIT! I CAN'T SEE IT! - NO! TURN! TURN!
- HE'D NEVER BEEN THE SAME,
SINCE HIS CLOSE ENCOUNTER WITH BIGFOOT.
- STOP THE CAR! - CAN'T DRIVE WITH--
THEN THERE WAS MR. CHIN, WHO WAS JUST...
- STOP! STOP!
- CHALLENGED.
- WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU? - I DON'T KNOW!
YOU TOLD ME TO GO THROUGH THE CONES!
- THE MOST STRESSFUL PART OF TRAINING PEOPLE HOW TO DRIVE
IS DEALING WITH PEOPLE THAT BELIEVE THAT THEY KNOW IT ALL,
THAT THEY HAVE THE ANSWERS,
BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO SOMEHOW TRY TO GET THROUGH TO THEM.
SO IT'S A FRUSTRATION, ABOVE ALL,
BUT OTHER THAN THAT, OCCASIONALLY YOU FIND SOMEBODY
WHO'S GOING TO DRIVE YOU INTO A WALL.
- WHOA! - STOP! STOP!
AH!
WHAT--YOU IDIOT!
- BY THE TIME GINA ARRIVED FOR HER APPOINTMENT,
WALLACE'S BLOOD PRESSURE WAS RED-LINING.
- I'VE NEVER SEEN SUCH TERRIBLE DRIVING!
- I WANT TO CALL YOUR SUPERVISOR.
- NO! YOU ARE NOT TALKING TO MY SUPERVISOR.
GET BACK IN THIS CAR!
BACK IN THE CAR! DO YOU WANT TO--
- WALLACE BOILED OVER, AND HIS LIFE
CAME TO A SKIDDING HALT.
- AIR BAG DEPLOYMENT OCCURS IN ONE 25TH OF A SECOND.
WHEN TRIGGERED, THE GREATEST RISK TO THE DRIVER
IS THE FIRST TWO TO THREE INCHES OF AIR BAG INFLATION.
THE FORCE OF THE IMPACT CREATED A FRACTURE
BETWEEN THE SECOND AND THIRD CERVICAL VERTEBRAE,
TRANSECTING THE SPINAL CORD,
STOPPING CARDIAC AND PULMONARY FUNCTION,
AND CAUSING DEATH OF THE SUBJECT.
- STOP! STOP! - WALLACE WAS A BURNED-OUT
DRIVER'S ED TEACHER. MAYBE BY DYING,
HE FINALLY GOT THE PEACE HE NEEDED.
- DO YOU WANT TO--
- THERE'S NO PARALLEL PARKING IN HEAVEN, IS THERE?
[phone ring] - SWEETEST BAKERY, GOOD MORNING.
- MARIANNE WAS A SMALL BAKERY OWNER WITH A BIG PROBLEM.
- [coughs]
- YOU--YOU GOT STRAWBERRY, INSTEAD OF CHOCOLATE?
- IN A MOMENT OF WEAKNESS,
SHE GAVE HER LOSER BROTHER-IN-LAW A JOB.
AND AFTER ONLY THREE DAYS, SHE WAS REGRETTING IT.
- YOU HAD TO GO TO HOSPITAL?
- A LIFE-LONG UNDERACHIEVER, ELIAS APPROACHED HIS NEW JOB
WITH COMPLETE INCOMPETENCE.
- ABOUT 90% OF BAKERIES FAIL NOWADAYS.
EMPLOYEES ARE THE-- THE SECOND-HIGHEST EXPENSE,
UM, FOR A BAKERY BUSINESS.
AND BECAUSE IT'S SUCH A BIG PART OF OUR BUSINESS
AND SUCH A BIG EXPENSE,
WE REALLY NEED TO TRUST THE PEOPLE THAT WE HAVE.
- YOU KEEP SCREWING UP. THAT'S IT, I'M DONE WITH YOU.
OKAY? YOU'RE FIRED.
- NO!
- ELIAS WENT FROM INCOMPETENT EMPLOYEE,
TO DISGRUNTLED EX-EMPLOYEE.
- YOU WANT TO FIRE ME.
- BEFORE HE LEFT, HE DECIDED
TO PUT THE ICING ON HIS LAST DAY OF WORK.
THE ASS OF CAKES WENT TO TOWN,
MAKING SURE ANYONE WHO GOT THESE BIRTHDAY TREATS
WOULD NOT BE HAPPY.
REVENGE NEVER TASTED SO SWEET.
- [screams]
- MAKE THAT BITTERSWEET.
- [groans]
- NOW IF THE DAMAGE TO THE HEART
WASN'T ENOUGH TO CAUSE A HEART ATTACK,
AS THAT PLUNGER GOT DEPRESSED, THE THICK VISCOUS FROSTING
ENTERED THE HEART. IT FORMS A BALL
THAT'S UNABLE TO BE PUMPED OUT BY THE HEART.
THE INCREASED FORCES THE HEART NEEDS
TO TRY TO PUMP THAT EMBOLUS OUT
WOULD'VE THEN CAUSED THE ENSUING HEART ATTACK.
- IF ELIAS WAS A CAKE,
HIS RECIPE WOULD BE A LAYER OF DIRTY...
- [coughs]
- ANOTHER OF CLUMSY...
TOPPED OFF WITH A THICK FROSTING - [laughs]
- OF BAD ATTITUDE.
- [screams] - IN THE END,
HE GOT HIS...
- [gasps]
- [screams]
...JUST DESSERT.
UP NEXT..
- WHAT DO I PAY YOU GUYS FOR?
- COAL MINING CAN BE A REAL BLAST.
AND...
- DO YOU HAVE ANY BRIGHTER IDEAS?
- HE'S A WIMP.
- LOSER!
- AND SHE'S TOXIC.
- [screams]
- WHAT A WASTE.
- COAL IS THE BIG DADDY OF ENERGY RESOURCES.
IT PRODUCES 40% OF THE WORLD'S ELECTRICITY,
AND THERE'S FOUR TIMES MORE COAL ON EARTH
THAN OIL AND GAS COMBINED.
NOWADAYS, MINING IS STRICTLY REGULATED,
BUT BACK IN THE 1920s,
LABOR LAWS WERE SO LAX,
A COAL MINER WAS LUCKY TO MAKE IT TO HIS 35th BIRTHDAY.
- YOU'RE OUTTA HERE.
- TRAVIS WAS LIKE MOST MINING FOREMEN OF THE DAY.
- HEY!
FILL THAT THING UP NOW AND MOVE IT.
- BRUTALLY HARSH ON HIS WORKERS AND GREEDY.
- OVER THE PAST CENTURY, IN THE U.S. ALONE,
THERE HAVE BEEN A TOTAL OF 592 TRAGIC INCIDENTS
THAT HAVE TAKEN PLACE INSIDE THE MINE,
RESULTING IN NEARLY 13,000 FATALITIES.
- TRAVIS CARED ABOUT ONLY ONE THING,
SQUEEZING MORE PRODUCTION OUT OF HIS EMPLOYEES.
- ALL OF YOU NEED TO WORK A LITTLE HARDER.
WELL, MOVE IT!
- YES, SIR.
- [coughs]
- AND GOD HELP YOU IF YOU GOT SICK.
- ARE YOU NAPPIN' ON THE JOB?
- HE'S SICK, BOSS.
- WHAT DO I PAY YOU GUYS FOR?
SINCE NOBODY ELSE CAN DO IT AROUND HERE, I'LL DO IT!
- DAMN IT. - THAT'S WHEN TRAVIS DISCOVERED
JUST HOW DANGEROUS COAL MINING CAN BE.
- [sniffs] IT'S METHANE!
BOSS, YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT!
- DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO, BOY!
- THERE IS A LOT OF DIFFERENT TOXIC GASSES IN MINES.
THERE'S HYDROGEN SULPHITE,
CARBON MONOXIDE,
AND METHANE.
METHANE AT VERY LOW CONCENTRATIONS
IS HIGHLY FLAMMABLE.
AT BETWEEN 5 TO 15%,
ANY SOURCE OF HEAT WILL CAUSE AN EXPLOSION.
- A SPARK FROM THE PICKAX IGNITED A METHANE GAS POCKET,
AND ROCK FRAGMENTS SMASHED HIS SKULL.
TRAVIS DIED FROM MASSIVE HEMORRHAGING,
BUT NO NEED FOR A FUNERAL.
HE IS ALREADY 6,000 FEET UNDER.
THE PEOPLE PULLING UP IN THE HAZMAT SUITS
ARE CARLY AND BOB.
THEY'RE A COUPLE OF LOWLIFES
WHO RUN A BOGUS TOXIC WASTE REMOVAL COMPANY.
- YES, SIR. DO YOU HAVE YOUR WASTE
READY TO BE PICKED UP?
- IT'S RIGHT THERE.
- TODAY THEY WERE PICKING UP A VERY NASTY BY-PRODUCT,
USED IN THE MANUFACTURING OF PESTICIDE,
CALLED 2,4-DICHLOROPHENOL.
2,4-DICHLOROPHENOL IS COMMONLY USED
AS AN INTERMEDIATE PRE-CURSOR TO PRODUCE AN HERBICIDE CHEMICAL.
AT ROOM TEMPERATURE, 2,4-DICHLOROPHENOL IS A SOLID,
AND IT'S A PRETTY HEARTY SUBSTANCE.
HOWEVER IF YOU HEAT THE SUBSTANCE UP,
ONLY TO ABOUT 110 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT,
OR 45 DEGREES CELSIUS,
THEN IT BECOMES A MOLTEN LIQUID,
AND AT THAT POINT,
UH, IT CAN HAVE A GREATER LEVEL OF TOXICITY.
- THE BARRELS OF CHEMICALS
HAD BEEN HEATING UP IN THE DESERT FOR WEEKS.
- THERE'S GOTTA BE A DIFFERENT WAY.
- BUT BOB WAS STILL HESITANT
ABOUT THEIR ILLEGAL DUMPING OPERATION.
- YOU HAVE A BETTER PLAN?
YOU GONNA GET YOUR G.E.D., EINSTEIN?
- AS USUAL, BOB CAVED, AND STARTED HUMPING THE BARRELS.
- HURRY UP, ALL RIGHT?
I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ALL NIGHT.
- YOU THINK I WANT TO BE HERE ALL NIGHT,
HEARING YOU YELL AT ME?
- DO YOU HAVE ANY BRIGHTER IDEAS?
OH, YEAH, I FORGOT, YOU'RE STUPID!
- ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT! YOU WANT TO DO IT,
DO IT YOURSELF! - LOSER!
- THE TOXIC COUPLE FINALLY BLEW UP.
- AW, YOU CAN'T EVEN CARRY BARRELS.
- I'LL JUST STAND HERE-- - CARLY TOOK OVER...
- LOSER!
[screams]
- AND GOT A MOUTH FULL OF TOXIC SHOCK.
- [garbles]
[sobs]
[whimpers]
[grunts]
- THE 2,4-DICHLOROPHENOL WILL WORK ITS WAY
INTO THE BLOODSTREAM,
WORK ITS WAY INTO VARIOUS ORGANS,
CAUSING KIDNEY FAILURE, LIVER FAILURE,
AND WITHIN JUST A FEW MOMENTS, SHE WOULD BE DEAD.
- CARLY AND BOB WERE TOXIC OFFENDERS.
- HURRY THIS UP, I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE ALL NIGHT.
- IN THE END, THEY LEARNED THEIR LESSON.
- LOSER!
[screams]
- IT'S NOT NICE TO POLLUTE MOTHER NATURE.
Captioning by Montano at CaptionMax www.captionmax.com
- IT'S ORIGINAL.